Over the last few weeks I have to say it hasn’t been THAT difficult with H gone. Atleast it hasn’t been difficult BECAUSE he is gone. Circumstances made it more difficult, though.
The reason it was so difficult was because I had 3 interviews In 3 days. That was so exhausting. Fortunately my parents took baby for a couple nights so I could prepare. I really think im about to be offered a position in a really great comoany, and I am so thrilled!
Back to the main subject…. I’m not saying I haven’t missed him like crazy. Because I have. But in all reality… I’ve just gone about my life as if nothing has changed. I haven’t been held back by him being gone.
So now I have to tell you all a little secret I’ve been keeping:
Part of me always wondered if I stayed with H and kept loving him because I felt I needed him.
But that is so far from the truth. I can absolutely live on without him. I don’t need him. I have a happy baby, a (large) clean house, work full time, had 3 interviews and have had a healthy social life while he’s been gone. So no, I don’t love him because I NEED him. I love him because I want him, I choose him. Every day.
My favorite quote since H and I met is similar to what I’m feeling. I feel that our roots are so entwined. I couldn’t comprehend a life without him. I will put the quote below:
“Love is a temporary madness, it erupts like volcanoes and then subsides. And when it subsides, you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion, it is not the desire to mate every second minute of the day, it is not lying awake at night imagining that he is kissing every cranny of your body. No, don’t blush, I am telling you some truths. That is just being “in love”, which any fool can do. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident.”
Maybe this quote isn’t fitting for every relationship, but I feel that most people can in some way feel a connection to it’s meaning.
What H and I hav is love. The volcanoes have subsided and now what’s left is entwined roots. I hope.
H seems to be clingier than me these last 2 weeks. How can that be possible? Every day he tells me how he can barely stand how much he misses me. Somethings changing in that man. And it’s changing for the better. We have been really good, but sometimes he isn’t very lovey. But I think the saying “absence makes the heart grow fonder” is so real in his case. As good as we have been doing lately, I think this alone time has really allowed him to realize what he is missing without me being with him.
In the end, I think as much as his absence has sucked, it’s done both of us some good. I needed to know that my love was real, and not just me holding onto something I felt I needed. And he needed to realize that he is so lucky to still have me in his life.
Wish me luck this week. I should hear in the next couple days if I get this job. I do have another interview this week… so either way, hopefully ill get A job in the next week or 2. Ughh I’ll be so glad to not worry about finding a Job!
By the way, the featured image is where H proposed to me. ❤❤❤