Finding a freaking job

I have been putting off finding a job because I have a hard time dealing with the stress it causes me. Today, however, it came to a head. My current work situation is not going to work after July. Today has been incredibly stressful because now I have to stop stalling and find a job. And it’s important that I do it quickly.

Mind you, I don’t NEED a job because of money, I NEED it for my sanity. Fortunately H makes good money, and will likely be getting a really great raise. So financially, we will be okay either way.

I need to feel good about myself, and part of that means I need to help provide for our family. Wether that a making money to allow us to live a very comfortable life or making money to make ends meet. I can’t not work. I mean, I started working again the week after I gave birth. I was nursing and calming down a new born while chasing little toddlers. And if you have had a baby, you KNOW it’s painful down ‘there’ for several weeks after giving birth. So I was in a lot of pain. But that’s just the person I am.

Today I’ve been job searching, and when I told H, he had this way of making me feel completely at ease. He kept going on about how successful I’ve been in every job I’ve had, and how easy it’s always been for me to find work. He told me how proud I made him, and how he had no doubt that is find a job quickly. He also said that if I didn’t find a job quickly, that he didn’t care because it isn’t like we absolutely need me to work. The way he talked to me and talked me down off my anxiety ledge was so comforting. He made me feel okay.

H also talked to his sister, who is incredibly successful, and asked her to help me with my resume. She has literally been offered every job she has applied for, and even some that she hasn’t even applied for.

I typed up a new and updated resume and sent it off to her. I haven’t heard back, so of course I’m a little stressed. I want to start applying to jobs ASAP, but I want my resume to look good, and I know she will help me with that.

So now, while I wait for her to get back to me with things she would change on my resume, I am cleaning like a crazy person. I’ve done dishes, 5 loads of laundry, hung and folded all the clothes and watered both of our lawns. I just need my mind off of the big stress that is the center of my life.

Though I may be incredibly stressed, I have to believe that things happen for a reason. Maybe this happened so I would get my shit I gear. I knew my current situation wouldn’t last forever, but with all the stress I’m under, looking for a job just kept adding to the stress and made things worse. I felt very little self confidence, and that makes finding a job difficult. Now that I don’t have a choice but to find a job, I can’t let the stress get to me too much. So, in a way I am thankful for this bump in the road.

Wish me luck


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