Well, yet again the “official” date of H’s work trip got moved because of a single mechanic who didn’t want to miss out on the long weekend. Nevermind the fact that they would have almost made an entire weeks salary in one day (triple time for 12 hours). H and I are both incredibly annoyed because a. Every time I get prepared for him to leave, things change. And I’m not good with quick change anymore. And B. His trip is getting closer and closer to our family vacation in a month.
I’m going to have to adjust and move forward.
H and I are planning on doing a ton of yard work this weekend, which is my way of meditating I think. I really can’t comprehend the idea of meditation the way it is typically done. I’m too busy and have too much on my mind to just sit and release my thoughts.
I’ve been so busy this week. Typically I’m the one who stays up a little later than the other, but I haven’t been able to keep my eyes open passed 8. I got more sleep last night, so I hope I can finally feel normal tonight.
Everything seems to be falling into place. Sometimes I even feel completely normal. As an individual and as a couple.
I forgot to mention that at my last individual session I asked about desensitization to the name aria, pictures of aria and about the word affair. The therapist said it was a great idea, and a tactic they use with PTSD patients. So now I need to start that. I’m trying a little on my own, and will work on it in therapy. We will see how it goes. I am still getting anxiety when I hear the name aria and hear about affairs. I will go to her Facebook page to desensitized myself to her face. Which is working because now I just see her and feel bad for how pathetic she is. No doubt I get a little anxious, but not nearly as bad as it used to be.
All things considered, I think improvement is being made in every part of my life. Yeah it’s not easy to be where I am, where WE are, but I know I’m becoming a stronger, better and more confident person. I am so much more than H made me feel for so many months, and he sees that now. I’m glad I’m able to say it and believe it too.
Not much to say today, I’ve been really digging for things to say lately on here. I think not having much to say is a good thing.
Just remember that you are beautiful, you are amazing, you are strong, and you are worth it! Never let anyone make you feel anything less.