One of them is how bad I need you

I was listening to music on the way home from my therapy session the other night. I heard a song I enjoyed a lot, so I started listening to the lyrics  (which I don’t do much anymore because it usually gives me anxiety). The song is called “issues” by Julia Michaels. I’m going to put the lyrics below:

I’m jealous, I’m overzealous
When I’m down, I get real down
When I’m high, I don’t come down
I get angry, baby, believe me
I could love you just like that
And I could leave you just this fast

But you don’t judge me
‘Cause if you did, baby, I would judge you too
No, you don’t judge me
‘Cause if you did, baby, I would judge you too

‘Cause I got issues
But you got ’em too
So give ’em all to me
And I’ll give mine to you
Bask in the glory
Of all our problems
‘Cause we got the kind of love
It takes to solve ’em

Yeah, I got issues
And one of them is how bad I need you

You do shit on purpose
You get mad and you break things
Feel bad, try to fix things
But you’re perfect
Poorly wired circuit
And got hands like an ocean
Push you out, pull you back in

‘Cause you don’t judge me
‘Cause if you did, baby, I would judge you too
No, you don’t judge me
‘Cause you see it from same point of view

‘Cause I got issues
But you got ’em too
So give ’em all to me
And I’ll give mine to you
Bask in the glory
Of all our problems
‘Cause we got the kind of love
It takes to solve ’em

Yeah, I got issues
And one of them is how bad I need you

And one of them is how bad I need you
(I got issues, you got ’em too)

‘Cause I got issues
(I got)
But you got ’em too
So give ’em all to me
(You got ’em too)
And I’ll give mine to you
Bask in the glory
(I got issues)
Of all our problems
‘Cause we got the kind of love
(You got ’em too)
It takes to solve ’em

Yeah, I got issues (I got)
And one of them is how bad I need you (You got ’em too)
Yeah, I got issues (I got issues)
And one of them is how bad I need you (You got ’em too)
Yeah, I got issues (I got)
And one of them is how bad I need you

This song has so much meaning to me. Everything I want to say and can’t find the words to. So I’m okay with hearing the lyrics.

Slowly I’m allowing normal things back into my days. Things that I had to omit after D-day. I’m becoming more “me” than I have been in over a year. I enjoy who I am now.

H just got the final word that his work trip is OFFICIALLY this Thursday. They have been pushing this off for months.

The place he is going is the same place he was when D day happened. It gives me slight anxiety, but nothing like it used to when we thought he was leaving. So, I feel that this is progress. Any progress is welcome here.

I’m in a good place. I have my breakdowns and I experience strong triggers, but I know how to get myself out of them(most of the time). Before all this, before therapy, I would let my mood dictate everything. Now i dictate my mood.

Keep pushing, ladies (and men). No matter what you decide you want for your future, make YOURSELF your priority.

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