Simply bonding

H and I have gone back and fourth with this terrible virus. Now H is quite sick and I’m not feeling so hot yet again.

Wednesday night H and I had our couples session. It was very simple, very light. The therapist asked us to think of a story from something that we had never told each other(something light). I had a really hard time, so the therapist and I went to a different room and he helped. We came up with the story of me and my first best friend who used to dress up like old ladies and put on plays for the other kids in the daycare. My 3 words were “friend” “old lady” and “pretend”. So I give H the 3 words and he has to basically come up with the story without having any clue of what the story actually is. The rules: it can’t involve someone the other person knows about, no specific location they know about and the story must be one you’ve never told them. So already, this is SO DIFFICULT. He guessed for a very long time, with a couple very vague clues, before coming kind of close. The other thing we did is the therapist came up with some words and asked us to explain the picture that came to mind. His first word was “boat”. He asked me to explain what I saw, which was a row boat in the middle of a lake with Noone in it with some oars. H saw a sail boat with 1 sail, the boat was white and it was against a dock.

The moral of these games is to realize that when youre talking and say something, the other person can see (hear) something completely different, because we all have different life experiences and different ways of thinking. This type of exercise helps connect your ways of thinking, or at least to learn how to communicate. It also helps you to understand why something that you say that seems harmless could mean something awful to the other person.

This was super interesting and had H and I laughing and reminiscing. We both came out of therapy feeling good, and feeling like we gained something. We had to play the same game on our way home, but H had to give me 3 words. It’s amazing how we immediately think we know what the story is, based on all the stories you had heard and all the things you THINK you know about the other person. It makes you realize that you are 2 different people who don’t actually know everything about the other, and that you have separate thoughts and ideas.

H and I have been watching Harry Potter for the last week and a half. We have been really bonding over it. We enjoy lounging around together watching it, and then we enjoy the conversations we have about it after we are done. We are now going to read the books to eachother, so we can be at the same place, and also because we have a baby and having quiet reading time would be impossible! H and I are simply bonding over something we both enjoy. It feels healthy, makes us happy and makes me remember all the things H and I love about eachother. We just work. As different as we are, we can come together on so many things,  even if we don’t agree, and have a mutual respect for the other persons thoughts and views. It’s always been like that.

 

H’s trip got pushed up yet again, which is good and bad. He will now be home for our anniversary, but will probably be gone for the gift I got him…. which I told him. He got super emotional and cried when I told him he would miss it (he doesn’t know what it is). I told him it wasn’t anything super important… I mean it’s just a baseball game… but I am bummed. I did spend $150 on tickets. I guess ill bring someone else. Anyway, he is here for our anniversary, which is a happy thing!

I challenge you to find something to bond over with your significant other. Whether it’s a TV show, a game or your favorite outdoor activity. Find something you both enjoy and allow yourself to have uninterrupted  (by negative thoughts) fun. Talk, laugh and enjoy eachother without thinking about infidelity.

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