H and I officially scheduled our first couples counseling for next week. Our therapist thinks we are ready, which is so great to hear! I FEEL ready. I’m in such a better place mentally now. He said he is going to focus on communication in the beginning, and once we have started fixing our ways of communicatuon, then we can get into the deeper stuff.
My session last night with our therapist went great. I had been feeling super anxious yesterdsy, and told him I couldn’t stop the feeling. I explained what I was thinking about and everything I was experiencing. I told him there had been a few last minute work things for H, and that really made me stress along with his official dates for his work trip. The therapist (T) asked if it was anxiety because I thought there was a risk (of an affair), or if it was anxiety I was causing by my thoughts. I told him i didn’t think there was any risk, and that it was just my thoughts that were spinning me up. He told me if ever I feel myself getting wound up, run like hell away from whatever started the winding. He said to get away from the thoughts by any means possible. He said if they are spinning me up, they are doing me no good. So I’m going to follow his rules and RUN LIKE HELL if I start spinning myself up. He also said that I need to train my brain to do this. He said not to beat myself up if I start spinning, but to acknowledge it, and try to move on and away from the thoughts. By acknowledging it, I make myself aware of what I’m doing. If I were to get super mad at myself, he said, most likely I wouldn’t be able to stop myself from spinning. I’ll give it a try!
H has to work late tonight, and he has to work the weekend. I hate everything about his work. EVERYTHING! But, he is providing so much for our family, I wouldn’t be able to tell him he isn’t allowed. He is so successful, and will just become more successful in this company as the years go on. He has such a great future in this company. So, I will allow him to press on. Who am I to stop his success? In fact, the more successful he is, I believe the more confident he will be with himself. And honestly this affair had EVERYTHING to do with his ego and confidence being stroked.
I think he got so used to my compliments they became just another part of his life, nothing special. I have ALWAYS tried to stroke his ego, because I knew that’s what he liked. Obviously I did it too much and it wasn’t working anymore. I think what he really needs is to find a way to feel good about himself without having to be told how awesome he is. Hopefully as he makes his way up in the company he will have that boost in confidence.
I’ve been making an effort to let H make big decisions regarding baby. I think he really enjoys it. So he had told me how he would like to start transitioning her into her own room to see how she would do. She wasn’t sleeping well in our room, so I was down to try anything. Surprisingly enough, she LOVES it and sleeps SO well! It’s a game changer! So this weekend I get to move all her stuff up to her own room! It’ll feel good to clean all the clutter in our room! I’m excited for H to get back from work and see it!
Another decision H made was the theme for her first bday (I know, I know, we have like… 6.5 months before she is one, but I’m a planner!). But what I LOVED about his decision was that it was Tangled, which was the movie H and I watched together like… every night when we first met. For some reason we both LOVED it. So it made me feel like he is reliving those old, and very fun, memories of us together. I think that’s a super good and healthy thing for him to be doing right now.
Progress is being made every day. I won’t lie, sometimes I feel really nervous that maybe he isn’t all in, but that happens less and less. And honestly most of the time I feel that way is when H is tired. And of course he gave up caffeine for lent. 🙄
I challenge you to figure out the things that make you MAD or STRESSED, and run like hell when the thoughts cross your mind. What you need to know is that you will never overcome this if you keep allowing yourself to be miserable about the same damn things. STOP allowing yourself to go there. RUN LIKE HELL and don’t look back. Atleast not until you can calmly figure out how to tackle the issue.