I am so sick. I mean, I basically didn’t do ANYTHING this weekend. H took me to an urgent care because we thought it may have been strep, but it wasnt. It’s just a horrible virus. And of course there is nothing you can do with a virus but wait it out. And being a nursing mom, medicine that is SAFE is minimal. So, all weekend I was miserable.
I have to be honest, I was concerned that H wouldn’t really help. I was worried that he was going to be busy working on his car or fixing one of our many projects. But he was such a huge help. He was happy to just stay on the couch with baby and I just watching movies and vegging out. And he was so good about making it easy on me with baby. He changed her, held her and played with her. He let me take naps, he was so great.
Fortunately this weekend was a Harry Potter marathon on TV. I hadn’t ever really watched the movies, and never read the books (because in private school they told our parents they strongly recommended against it). But I LOVED the ones I saw! H loves Harry potter, and all the years we have been together we had never watched the movies together. It was fun getting to just hang out doing something he enjoyed.
Yesterday H was letting me nap, so he brought baby upstairs, layed her on the floor and played the guitar for her. She loves music, and really loves when daddy plays guitar. It was so cute to see him bonding with baby. He was also feeding her, explaining what she was eating, what it looked like, etc. He is really such a great dad.
Okay it sounds dumb writing it out. But watching him be an active part of her life over the last couple months has really been so amazing. I fall in love with him all over again every time I see him with her. He loves her so much. And he is such a wonderful dad.
The other day I caught H looking at me with the look he used to give me all the time. Its, to me, the look of total adoration. I felt so loved when I saw him look at me that way. It’s been so long since I’ve seen it. I fully welcome it back.
I’ve been actively keeping my brain from going to dark places. It’s easy when you’re sick to get depressed, but I didn’t allow myself to feel it. I know it sounds like a lot of work to constantly think about your feelings, but I promise it gets easier. It’s starting to be an immediate reaction rather than something I have to work at.
Anyway, it’s been a rough but decent couple days. H is really stepping up as a father and a husband.