Only two days in, but I’m feeling stronger than ever. Just having such a huge goal gives me a positive outlook on my life. I just feel good.
Last night my sister took baby for a few hours. H and I planned on going out to eat so we could finally use some of the million gift cards we got for Christmas this year. Of course on the way to my sisters we realized we had forgotten them. We dropped baby off and decided to try a sushi place nearby. We walked in and were seated before we realized it was conveyer belt sushi, which we are both strongly apposed to (I mean how long has that roll been going around this restaraunt?! Ew!). We sneakily ran out, laughing like highschool kids. We went to the restaurant right next door.
We got there and decided on what we wanted. H got a salad… which is so unusual. He has always had a big appetite, but in the last several months my 145 lb husband has become my 135 lb husband… obviously due to stress. I can certainly relate. Speaking of his weight loss, his mom called a week ago, the day after we had met up with her for lunch, and complained about how skinny he was. She is very Italian, and I felt like this was kind of a slap in the face like “your wife is obviously not feeding you enough”, even though it’s probably not what she was implying. But he really has lost weight. Just a year ago he was complaining his pants were too tight… now he is synching on his belt. I hate that.
We had a really great time at dinner, laughing, telling stories, reminiscing. But then he started talking about work. He has been really busy getting some stuff ready for a big event. His boss got mad because he had to cancel his morning meeting. Apparently his boss said that he needs to find back up and had implied that Aria, the other woman, may be someone to use as back up. H was in no way trying to bring her up, but I think was, in a way, warning me about what may be coming. But it just put me in a funk.
But guys… I got out of the funk like… 2 minutes later. I DIDN’T LET MYSELF GO THERE. how huge is that?
I’m not going to let this woman ruin my life! She isn’t worth it! Her pregnant ass will be gone in a month, so what good would it do to train her for 1 week on H’s program? Obviously it’s a grave oversight, and one that will never have any follow through. As it usually doesnt, since this exact problem arises once a year with H’s boss.
H notices my attitude change for those few minutes and asked if I was okay. He knew what had caused it, and was truly wanting to make sure I was okay. I mean, I’m okay, but I hate when her name comes up, and he knows that.
After dinner we went home. My sister wanted to spend more time with baby, so I didn’t mind that at all. H and I didn’t some laundry and sat down to watch one of our favorite shows- American pickers. I know, such nerds! But this was the show we watched the second time we ever hung out…. we sat in his bed with his best friend (the guy that introduced us) and we all laughed and joked around about it. It always brings good memories. As we were watching the show, H turned around on the couch and said “I know why you brought me home! You want a piece of this!” Him saying that just makes me feel like I have my husband back. That’s exactly how we have always been. We always had fun with sex, when we had it. I remember a time we could laugh while we were having sex if something awkward happened. I miss all the laughter. It’s coming back, but it takes time.
Something I’ve been really enjoying is how H cuddles me all night. And if he turns over he will wake me up (if I’m not already up… which usually I am) and makes sure I cuddle him. This is something we always used to do, but stopped when I was pregnant.
I find so much joy in all the small victories. Whether it’s being able to change my mood, or having fun and being playful with H like old times. These are all victories to me.
Today, I challenge you to change your bad mood into a good mood. Even if it only lasts for a few minutes. If you practice pulling yourself out of a slump every day, it will become a habit, and it will become easier. It was a huge challenge for me when my therapist first started training me on how to do it, but now I am able to do it without thinking about it. Good luck ❤ you got this!