On the first day of lent, I am trying very hard to not allow fear into my day. Just a minute ago I began thinking about the affair, and fear started creeping in. The tight chest, rapid heart beat, nausea, they all started creeping up on me. But then I stopped it. I didn’t allow myself to continue feeling that way. By thinking of how much I’ve been blessed with over the last several months, I was able to push fear aside and let love trump it.
I have truly been blessed with the most beautiful daughter who makes me smile, makes me laugh and just brightens my day when nothing else can. I’ve been blessed to be able to quit my job and work with my mother so I can watch my daughters firsts in her first year of life. I have been blessed with family and with friends.
The affair, as much as it has SUCKED EVERY OUNCE OF ENERGY I HAVE, has also given me the strength to persevere, to rise up and to never take a single second of this life for granted.
I have noticed in the last few months how much more fulfilled I feel with my life. Maybe it’s because being a mom was my calling, and maybe it’s because I am trying to make every second count, but I am able to enjoy things more. I don’t get grumpy, I don’t even get mad very often. I have found true joy in so many things.
I’ve also found sadness. Sadness that the life I had will never be the same. Sadness that I may lose my husband, sadness that maybe I’m not ENOUGH.
I am not going to let that sadness overcome the joy, though. I promised myself one thing when I found out about the affair: To not let it harden me and make me bitter. And I will continue keeping that promise. I am stronger, I am better, I am bigger than this affair. I will get through this no matter what happens.
I have so many more days to resist fear. But I found my ability to shake it this morning quite empowering. I. Can. Do. This. And you can too!
I challenge all of you to lift your spirits today, and to lift the spirits of the women around you (or the women you follow in this blog). We betrayed’s deal will too much bad. Let’s let the GOOD shine through.