Why I’m open to trust

I’ve had some feedback on my posts that I shouldn’t trust what H is saying, I shouldn’t trust what he has told me, and that I should watch my back. Here is my response.
First off, I have questioned H, I have fact checked, time checked, and stalked everything possible. And what I’ve come up with is very little. The affair lasted about 2-3 months, was mostly an innapropriate friendship until things got heated after she confessed her feelings for him. I caught them very soon after.
Yes, my husband had an emotional affair, which is seriously fucked up. Yes, he hurt me and tore my heart out of my chest. Yes, he is a fucking retard. But also, he is my husband and the father of my child.
Secondly, in my opinion, what does not trusting do for me?

If he IS honest and I DON’T  trust, than I’m getting nowhere, and if he ISN’T  honest and I DON’T  trust, I am still getting nowhere. And if I DO trust and he ISN’T being honest, we are still getting nowhere, just as if I didn’t trust him.

However, if I  DO trust and he IS being honest, that is forward motion. So, the only option, in my head is the trust and hope he is being honest.

I am no stranger to heartbreak. If I trust and he isn’t being honest, then bye. I’m out. I know I’ll catch him. But I have to hold on to the hope he is being honest and faithful.
If we betrayed’s don’t think positive, if we don’t try to constantly be in forward motion, what good have we done in our marriages? Absolutely none. We can’t sit still, we can’t hold on to things, as hard as it is. And trust me, I’m still not to the point of letting things go.
What I’m saying is, if we are trying to fix our marriage, but still getting mad about the same shit, we aren’t actually fixing our marriages.
And believe me, I am far from over it. As much as I sometimes try to fool myself I am, I am SO far from being over this painful situation.  But the difference between my way, and the way that many other betrayed’s take, is that I am trying to find constant forward motion in my life and in my marriage. If I find something, I address it (sometimes by screaming and throwing tantrums, which my therapist says I need to stop 🙄 what does he know, anyway?), and then I try to move forward with H.
I know my way isn’t for everyone. But I’m not going to be mad the rest of my life, I won’t let it happen because it’s not healthy for my life, for my baby’s life or for my marriage. And, if in the end, forward motion is saying goodbye to H, I suppose I’ll cross that bridge. But at the moment I can’t fathom a life without him. And I won’t try to until it’s the only way.
So, to all of my readers out there laughing at how naive I must sound to trust what H is saying as true, even after finding things I was never told about…tell me, what good is it to not trust he is being honest? Because in my opinion it does nothing for me. I’m prepared for anything that life throws at me, but I’m also prepared to open my heart to forgiveness, to trust to love and to happiness.
Can you say the same?

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6 thoughts on “Why I’m open to trust

  1. Well, I know I’m not laughing. No part of this is funny. But, I can now admit that I’ve been the one who was convinced I knew all I needed to know after I found out about “the one and only affair”. Six months later, I found out the rest of the story, which some of my commenters had been insisting on all along. They had it figured out based on the things I wrote. H was having another affair, right in front of me, while we were in counselling! Not to mention everything else in his past…😕

    Just be careful, and don’t let your guard down. Get tested, just in case. Listen to your gut. Trust yourself more than you trust him.

    I hope you’re right and you already know all there is to know. Even if you don’t yet, you’re going to be ok.

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    1. I can only hope this isnt the case, and ive done everything in my power to ensure it isnt. As i said, im ready for anything, and if it is the case, i guess im packing my bags. For now I am listening to my gut. Thanks for the advice!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Just know that most everyone here is supporting you. We’ve been where you are, unfortunately, and none of us expected it until it happened. We were all naive at some point. There’s a lot of wisdom that comes with this experience.

        Take good care of yourself and your little one. 🙂

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  2. Yep. Everything they said above. I desperately want it to be as you have found it to be. I want your story to be this one thing this one time. We are broken and sad because we have been there. Your optimism is refreshing and scary because we want to protect you like a loved little sister. That’s all. And as for if I am prepared to love… Nope. Still not ready. I have to be honest. Not ready at all.

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  3. (Jeez….I tried starting this reply three different ways…and I cant decide what to say)

    I think I am one of those who perhaps came out too strongly in the post you are referring to.

    Looking at things from your perspective, I do understand what you say about trust and hope, and resting on his honesty. And I swear I want you to come out mighty in this.

    See, no matter what we all say, it is you who is in the situation, and that is always there. I am glad you are both trying to work out in this situation. I just think that the note was not something your husband should have hidden from you. But then I also see, that the note was with HIM and not her, and so he wrote but never gave. That does give him some credit.

    Pardon the fervour of my comments. And I did not mean to be offensive.

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    1. I was by no means trying to call you out! Just giving my stance on why I’m doing what I’m doing. I came here and started a blog to have support, and I feel like I have that with you guys. I also want to remain positive in my progress and in my life. That’s what’s best for me! But I love that can come here and talk about what’s going on and have women going through the same thing give me encouragement. It’s truly appreciated.

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