The choice is yours

The more views I get on my blog, the more I feel I need to explain something: I am not a writer (that’s probably obvious), and I am not a blogger (well, I guess I am now). I am a young woman going through the ups and downs of healing after my husband had an emotional affair. I started blogging about it because when I first found out, I wanted so badly to read something candid about going through something like this, and couldn’t find much. I feel that I have a story to tell, and a journey to share. Writing isn’t something I necessarily enjoy, but if I can help just one person, this has all been worth it.

So here is another lesson I’ve learned on my journey:

I, like most of you, was completely blindsided by my husbands affair. But that doesn’t change the fact that it happened and that it hurts every fucking day after you’ve found out. I made the choice to stay and fight like hell for my marriage and for my family. It’s been incredibly emotional and difficult, but it was the right choice for me. I think making the choice as quickly as possible will make the following days and weeks after d-day a little more managable. I dont think you should make your choice while youre in a blind rage or when you are so emotionally spent you can’t think straight, however i found it important in my journey make the decision quickly because once you and your SO have made the choice, you need to make every effort to always move toward your end goal.

My grandmother once told me:

” you are always going in the direction of your most predominant thought”

I can’t tell you how many times I say this to myself every day. There are times that I want to just say “f you” to everything, but when I remember this quote I realize that if I were to just give up, then that is where my progress ends. I try to think of my life in the future and it helps me work toward my end goal: a healthy, happy marriage with my husband.

That’s not to say it’s easy…. some days I look at him and can’t think of anything but the affair. But those days are fewer and fewer. That’s not to say I can go through a day without thinking about the affair, because I am not at that point yet. Every morning I still wake up with the thought that I was cheated on, and every night it’s one of my last thoughts. But I am able to go through my day without it being my predominant thought, as it was the first few weeks after D-day.

If you are always going in the direction of your most predominant thought, make your predominant thought worth your time and energy. I decided one day that the affair wasn’t worth it, so I made up my mind that I was going to get through this and become a happier, healthier and better ME.

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5 thoughts on “The choice is yours

  1. I appreciate your positivity. I have commented on several of your posts and I may seem very negative. I am currently going through my own pile of crazy. I am not as positive as you are and I hope things go well for you. I also have spent the past year and a half reading infidelity blogs realizing that the first successful reconciliation so often comes to be what the betrayed spouse sees as the “one that got away” because the wayward spouse keeps it together for a year, two, 15… And then forgets to keep their pants up. I am struggling to stay positive and I am curious how you are forgiving a man who put you in such a fragile position when you’re so young. Im in my mid 30s and this has apparently been my whole adult life essentially without my knowledge and im passed. You’re very calm even though your husband seems to be semi communicative- that would make me mental.

    You’re doing great. Does anyone in your life know? A girlfriend?

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    1. I’d challenge you to really think about what being negative has fixed in your situation. I am no stranger to being negative, in fact in the beginning that’s all I was. Until I realized that in was doing no good, and in fact it was honestly making things worse.
      I read other blogs, but I take them for what they are- other people’s situations. I feel that we all have the possibility of coming out of infidelity, but you must be willing to work and to keep working years after.
      I’m not sure I can say I’ve completely “forgiven” H. What I have done is begun repairing what was obviously broken in our marriage: communication. Forgiveness is in the close future for us though. Atleast that’s how I feel.
      I’m calm because if I’m not calm, I’m crazy. Calm is a much better thing ton be! And yes, I have a friend and also my therapist to talk to. It’s very helpful tof have atleast someonew!

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      1. We are all different, in different situations going through different emotions. Id just day be you and own it! If you arent feeling good about your future, talk to your husband and figure out what would make you feel better. There can be no healing without communication. ive made it my goal to tell H whenever I get a negative feeling. When I tell him, we are able to talk it out and in the end I USUALLY feel better.

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